When God Created Texas

Once upon a time in the kingdom of Heaven, God was missing for six days. Eventually, Michael the Archangel found him, resting on the seventh day.

He inquired of God. "Where have you been?"

God sighed a deep sigh of satisfaction and proudly pointed downwards through the clouds, "Look, Michael. Look what I've made."

Archangel Michael looked puzzled and said, "What is it?"

"It's a planet," replied God, "and I've put Life on it. I'm going to call it Earth and it's going to be a great place of balance."

"Balance?" Inquired Michael, still confused.

God explained, pointing to different parts of earth. "For example, northern Europe will be a place of great opportunity and wealth but cold and harsh while southern Europe is going to be poor but sunny and pleasant.

"I have made some lands abundant in water and other lands parched deserts. This one will be extremely hot and while this one will be very cold and covered in ice."

The Archangel, impressed by God's work, then pointed to a land mass and said "What's that one?"

"Ah," said God. "That's TEXAS -- the most glorious place on earth. There are beautiful beaches, streams, hills, and forests.

The people from TEXAS are going to be handsome, modest, intelligent and humorous and they are going to be found traveling the world.

They will be extremely sociable, hardworking and high achieving, and they will be known throughout the world as diplomats and carriers of peace."

Michael gasped in wonder and admiration but then proclaimed, "What about balance, God? You said there would be balance!"

God replied wisely, "Wait until you see the characters I put in AUSTIN."

Four Years Ago Today

A man lived in a house in the woods with only his dog for a companion. He was lonely because his children had grown up and moved away, and he still grieved deeply over the passing of their mother.

Some friends were taking ballroom dance lessons, and that was something that he and his wife had talked about doing, but somehow never got around to. So, he had been going to lessons once a week for the past 6 weeks.

This particular day, however, he thought to himself: "I don't want to be alone for the rest of my life, and it's been 27 years since my last 'first date.' I hardly know what to do. I better develop at least some social skills, so I'd better practice."

And so, after that evening's lesson, the lonely man spoke to the single lady there: "We've been dancing these past weeks, but it's a little awkward since the only thing I know about you is that your name is D----, you're a nurse, and you have blue eyes that sparkle when you smile." And with that, he asked if she would like to go out for coffee with him.

And the lonely man wasn't nearly so lonely after that.

From Today's Sermon

Dave Anderson told an anecdote about the 17th century English Baptist pastor, John Gill, which I had not heard before. 

It concerned a talkative parishioner who told him that the band of his gown was inappropriately long, and denoted vanity.  He told her to take her scissors and cut it off to the length she thought appropriate; she did so. He then said he had had his attention called to something about her that he thought was too long. When she told him to take the scissors and cut it off to the right length, he took the scissors and said, "NOW, put out your tongue."

A Quote from Heinlein

Throughout history, poverty is the normal condition of man. Advances which permit this norm to be exceeded — here and there, now and then — are the work of an extremely small minority, frequently despised, often condemned, and almost always opposed by all right-thinking people. Whenever this tiny minority is kept from creating, or (as sometimes happens) is driven out of a society, the people then slip back into abject poverty.

This is known as “bad luck.”

Triple-Ginger Ginger Snaps

Ginger snaps made with three types of ginger.  (Based on an old recipe from Denise's family with a few ideas from Alton Brown thrown in for good measure.)

Hardware:

    medium mixing bowl

    large mixing bowl

    measuring cups & spoons

    stand mixer or hand mixer

    half sheet pan or cookie sheet

    silicone spatula

    metal spatula

    parchment paper

Software:   

    1 3/4 cups whole wheat flour

    1 1/2 teaspoons baking soda

    1 tablespoon ground ginger

    1/2 teaspoon ground cardamom

    1/2 teaspoon ground cloves

    1/2 teaspoon kosher salt

    1 cup packed dark brown sugar

    1 1/4 sticks unsalted butter, room temperature

    1/2 cup molasses

    1 large egg, room temperature

    2 teaspoons finely grated fresh ginger

    4 ounces finely chopped crystallized ginger

Algorithm:

0. Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F.

1. In a medium mixing bowl whisk together the flour, baking soda, ginger, cardamom, cloves, and salt.

2. In a large mixing bowl, place the brown sugar and butter and beat on low speed until light and fluffy, 1 to 2 minutes.

3. Add the molasses, egg and fresh ginger and beat on medium for 1 minute. Fold in the candied ginger using a silicone spatula. 

4. Add the dry ingredients to the wet and stir until well combined.  (We're using the muffin method here, even though we're not making muffins.)

5. Using a "heaping" teaspoon, drop the dough onto a parchment lined half sheet pan approximately 2-inches apart. Bake on the middle rack of the oven for 12 - 15 minutes (12 min if you want them chewy or 15 if you want them crispy.)

6. Remove from the oven and allow the cookies to stay on the sheet pan for one minute before transferring to a wire rack to cool completely. 

7. After cooling, move to an airtight container to store.

Output:  Approximately 4 dozen ginger snaps.

A Psalm of Thanksgiving

Make a joyful noise unto the LORD, all ye lands.

Serve the LORD with gladness: come before His presence with singing.

Know ye that the LORD He is God: it is He that hath made us, and not we ourselves; we are His people, and the sheep of His pasture.

Enter into His gates with thanksgiving, and into His courts with praise: be thankful unto Him, and bless His name.

For the LORD is good; His mercy is everlasting; and His truth endureth to all generations.

Psalm 100

Wise King Solomon

Two women came before wise King Solomon, dragging between them a young man.

"This young man agreed to marry my daughter," said one.

"No! He agreed to marry MY daughter," said the other.

And so they began arguing until the King called for silence.

"Bring me my biggest sword," said Solomon, "and I shall hew the young man in half. Each of you shall receive a half."

"Sounds good to me," said the first lady.

But the other woman said, "Oh Sire, do not spill innocent blood. Let the other woman's daughter marry him."

The wise king did not hesitate a moment. "The man must marry the first woman's daughter," he proclaimed.

"But she was willing to hew him in two!" exclaimed the king's court.

"Indeed," said wise King Solomon. "That shows she is the TRUE mother-in-law."