Best. Legislative. Bill. Evah!

HOUSE CONCURRENT RESOLUTION NO. 16

WHEREAS, The members of the 116th General Assembly of Ohio wish to recognize the rock song "Hang On Sloopy" as the official rock song of the great State of Ohio; and

WHEREAS, In 1965, an Ohio-based rock group known as the McCoys reached the top of the national record charts with "Hang On Sloopy," composed by Bert Russell and Wes Farrell, and that same year, John Tagenhorst, then an arranger for the Ohio State University Marching Band, created the band's now-famous arrangement of "Sloopy," first performed at the Ohio State-Illinois football game on October 9, 1965; and

WHEREAS, Rock music has become an integral part of American culture, having attained a degree of acceptance no one would have thought possible twenty years ago; and

WHEREAS, Adoption of "Hang On Sloopy" as the official rock song of Ohio is in no way intended to supplant "Beautiful Ohio" as the official state song, but would serve as a companion piece to that old chestnut; and

WHEREAS, If fans of jazz, country-and-western, classical, Hawaiian and polka music think those styles also should be recognized by the state, then by golly, they can push their own resolution just like we're doing; and

WHEREAS, "Hang On Sloopy" is of particular relevance to members of the Baby Boom Generation, who were once dismissed as a bunch of long-haired, crazy kids, but who now are old enough and vote in sufficient numbers to be taken quite seriously; and

WHEREAS, Adoption of this resolution will not take too long, cost the state anything, or affect the quality of life in this state to any appreciable degree, and if we in the legislature just go ahead and pass the darn thing, we can get on with more important stuff; and

WHEREAS, Sloopy lives in a very bad part of town, and everybody, yeah, tries to put my Sloopy down; and

WHEREAS, Sloopy, I don't care what your daddy do, 'cause you know, Sloopy girl, I'm in love with you; therefore be it Resolved, That we, the members of the 116th General Assembly of Ohio, in adopting this Resolution, name "Hang On Sloopy" as the official rock song of the State of Ohio; and be it further Resolved, That the Legislative Clerk of the House of Representatives transmit duly authenticated copies of this Resolution to the news media of Ohio.

A Prayer for Our Nation

As part of the National Day of Prayer observance, my pastor asked me to pray for our nation.  My prayers are usually extemporaneous and informal (someone once told my wife: "Timotheus' prayers are so unusual.  He prays like he's talking to a friend!" and I don't know that they realized what a compliment that was)  but this was such a solemn topic that I thought it best to prepare my words so as to give them the proper weight.

God of our founders, Your almighty hand has made and preserved our nation, bringing it up from an undeveloped colony to the richest and most powerful nation on earth.  But we confess that in our pride, we have turned away from You, forgetting those principles that made us exceptional.  We have turned toward the religion of secularism, believing in the greatness of man rather than the holiness of an omnipotent God.  We confess that we are no longer one nation under God – indivisible, but instead we are a nation that is divided – and as Your Son taught us, “every house divided against itself shall not stand.”  We confess that we have become so tolerant of worldiness and sinfulness that our culture has been engulfed in a virtual tsunami of sin.  We have denied our sin; we have distorted the fact of our sin; we have defended our sin.
As a nation, we have become so fiscally irresponsible that we are on the brink of national bankruptcy.  We have become disengaged in the affairs of our government and as a result we have a governmental elite that is out of control.  We confess that we have become so materialistic that we are much more focused upon material things than spiritual things – We repent as a nation that has turned away from God and we pray for a national revival like the revival of Israel in the days of Josiah.  We ask for another Great Awakening among believers.  We pray for American Christians to turn to You in repentance and reconciliation.  We pray for an outpouring of Your Holy Spirit upon our nation that will revitalize believers who have lost hope and even those who have lost faith.  We ask for a visitation of the Holy Spirit upon our land that will sweep across our country in these latter days before the appearing of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. in Whose blessed and holy Name we pray. 

California to Texas Dictionary

For Californians who have found it necessary to move to Texas and need some help communicating with the locals, here are California phrases translated into Texas vernacular:

CALIFORNIA                            TEXAS

Arsenal of Weapons               Gun Collection

Delicate Wetlands                Swamp

Undocumented Worker              Illegal Alien

Cruelty-Free Materials           Synthetic Fiber

Assault and Battery              Attitude Adjustment

Heavily Armed                    Well-protected

Narrow-minded                    Righteous

Nonviable Tissue Mass            Unborn Baby

Taxes or Your Fair Share         Coerced Theft

Commonsense Gun Control          Gun Confiscation Plot

Illegal Hazardous Explosives     Fireworks for Stump Removal

Equal Access to Opportunity      Socialism

Upper Class or "The Rich "       Self-Employed

Progressive, Change              Big Government Scheme

Sniper Rifle                     Scoped Deer Rifle

Assault Weapon                   Grandpa's M1 carbine

Religious Zealot                 Church-going

Healthcare Reform                Socialized Medicine

Socialized Medicine              New Taxes and Higher Taxes

Fair Trade Coffee                Overpriced Yuppie Coffee

Mandated EcoFriendly Lighting    Chinese Mercury-Laden Light Bulbs

Truants                          Homeschoolers